I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
