i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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