I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
