I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
