Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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