I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
