Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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