I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
