I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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