I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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