I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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