It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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