....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
