I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
