That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
