FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
