he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
