Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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