Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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