By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
