My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
