did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
