All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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