# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
