Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
