i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize