Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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