She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
