I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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