Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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