i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
