Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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