Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
