Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
