I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Randomize
