is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
