Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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