HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Best friends brother. Beat that.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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