we have officially lost it.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
