i'm signing you up for texting rehab
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
