OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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