I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
