I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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