I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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