I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
