Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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