Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
