The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
