After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
