Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
