Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
