I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
you made out with another girl for some wings
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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