I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
