better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
