K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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