Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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