Well douche your snatch and let's go!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
