Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
