everyone is single if you try hard enough
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
