It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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