Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
