you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
