I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
