Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
